


I couldn't see back then what I see right now

by Sebastanbucky



Series: Stucky One-Shots [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Non-Binary Character, Coming Out, Crying, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 06:43:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20541812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sebastanbucky/pseuds/Sebastanbucky
Summary: He’d found makeup in Bucky’s stuff three times now and Bucky was clearly trying to hide this from Steve. ‘He’s not cheating, he’s not cheating, he’s not cheating.’ Steve repeated to himself as he picks up the lipstick and quickly threw it in the trash.---5 times Steve finds women's things in Bucky's stuff +1 time he got the explanation he didn't expect





	I couldn't see back then what I see right now

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by my overthinking.
> 
> I have a couple hours to kill while i wait for my friend to arrive so i wrote this. Her other friend is also visiting because we're all going to a concert tomorrow so that's how i came up with this idea. Her friend doesn't know I'm non-binary and I just started thinking about what she might think if she finds things that aren't 'appropriate for my gender' in my apartment.
> 
> Title is from Halfway Right by Linkin Park

The first time Steve found makeup in Bucky’s things he was just in Bucky’s bedroom to get the dirty dishes from his nightstand as he was planning on doing the dishes. He figured Natasha just left it there on accident. She came over to spend time with Bucky sometimes as she was the only person who truly understood what he’d been through.  
He picked up the brown tube and it looked like mascara when he opened it, but it’s said ‘brow quickie’ on it in big bold letters, so he assumed it’s some sort of mascara for your brows. He shook his head in confusion and put it back where he found it, making sure it didn’t look like he’d touched anything.  
As he picked up the empty cups and carried them back into the kitchen, he tried to figure out why anyone would want brown mascara on their eyebrows. All his mind could come up with was pictures of people with huge black eyebrows that look like caterpillars and he couldn’t help but laugh to himself. 

A couple weeks later he found a tube of mascara in their bathroom. He’d forgotten all about the weird brow mascara thing until he saw the black tube tucked between Bucky’s things in the bathroom cabinet. It did not look like it was left there on accident, it looked like it belonged there, like someone put it there on purpose.  
That’s when Steve started to get suspicious. It looked like Bucky was prepared for the morning after bringing a girl home, but why would he do that when he’s with Steve? He couldn’t even bring himself to think the word, Bucky would never do that to him, he didn’t have it in him.  
As he looked down at the tube in his hands, he decided that no, there had to be a reasonable explanation as to why Bucky kept makeup in his things. 

The third time it happened, he just stood there in shock. A tube of lipstick had fallen out of a pocket in Bucky’s jeans when Steve was putting them in the washing machine. He didn’t want to pick it up or look at it, so he kept stuffing clothes into the washing machine, added the appropriate amount of laundry detergent, put it on the right setting and turned it on, all without looking at the little tube on the floor.  
He felt dread deep in his stomach, he really wanted to ignore it, but what was he to think? He’d found makeup in Bucky’s stuff three times now and Bucky was clearly trying to hide this from Steve. ‘He’s not cheating, he’s not cheating, he’s not cheating.’ Steve repeated to himself as he picked up the lipstick and quickly threw it in the trash. 

When Steve found a women’s perfume in Bucky’s sock drawer, he ignored it. He’d just been putting Bucky’s clean socks in the drawer when something peaking through all the pairs of socks caught the light. His curiosity got the better of him, so he lifted a few pairs of socks to see what was laying underneath them.  
It was a small glass bottle, filled with something pink and it said ‘Calvin Klein, Eternity Now’ on the front. It was feminine in all the right ways and Steve felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He put the socks back over it and closed the drawer.  
There was no way Bucky could be cheating on him, but how else could you explain it? Bucky had all these women’s things in his stuff and the only explanation Steve could come up with broke his heart. 

Natasha was visiting Steve when he found the thing that made him loose his shit. She was sitting on his and Bucky’s bed while he was cleaning the room. When he leaned down to pick something up from the floor, something under the bed caught his eye. He straightened up and calmly walked over to the bed where he bent down again and wordlessly picked up the women’s panties. Nat was in the middle of a sentence when she suddenly stopped, seeing what Steve was holding.  
“I really tried to find some other explanation when I kept finding cosmetics in his stuff, but this?” His voice was shaking, but he was forcing himself to stay calm. There was no other way to explain this, Bucky was cheating on him.  
“Hasn’t he told you?” Came Natasha’s quiet voice. He chuckled bitterly.  
“No Nat, he has not told me he’s cheating on me.” He was practically screaming by the time he got to the last three words.  
“No, not that.”  
He looked away from the panties for the first time to glare at her. “What else could possibly matter right now?” His voice was weak, all the fight had left his body and he just felt defeated and heartbroken.  
“You should talk to him before you judge the situation.” She looked way too calm for the situation they were in.  
“What else could this possibly be?” He could feel the lump of emotion in the back of his throat, but he swallowed it back.  
“Just talk to him.” She said before she got up and left the room. 

When Bucky got home an hour later, Steve was sitting on the couch waiting for him. After Nat left, he’d gone through Bucky’s things and found some more women’s things. He’d put everything including the mascara, perfume and panties on the table in front of him and was just looking at it while he waited for Bucky to get back. How could he have been so blind to not notice before? This woman, whoever she was, has practically moved in with Bucky.  
As far as Steve could tell, there was a full face of makeup hidden in Bucky’s nightstand, a small box at the bottom of the wardrobe held some more panties and bralettes and there was a bag of women’s shower gel, shampoo and conditioner hidden behind Bucky’s things in the bathroom cabinet. When Bucky enterd the living room he said his usual happy hello to Steve, which just made the situation hurt so much more. Bucky’s face quickly fell when he saw Steve and all the things on the table.  
“Oh.” Was all he said, he had the audacity to look scared, as if he didn’t know exactly what Steve would do next.  
“Oh? That’s all you have to say?” He glared at Bucky as he spoke, his heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces of glass that were cutting up his insides. “You’re cheating on me and all you have to say is ‘oh’?” He shouted as Bucky didn’t reply. While he talked Bucky went from looking scared and hurt, to looking at him in sock, disbelief written all over his face.  
“What?” He sounded out of breath; his voice thick. “You think…? No. That’s not…” He trailed of, frowning. “Steve, that’s not what this is.” He said in a small voice, looking down at his hands.  
“How else could you possibly explain all this?” Steve shot back, gesturing to the table. When Bucky didn’t reply he kept going, “Go ahead, take your time. It’s gonna take a while to come up with a lie big enough to cover all this.” He was still shouting, all the pent-up emotions pouring out of him.  
Bucky looked up at him and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, then his face crumbled and he buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. Of all the things Steve expected from this conversation, he did not expect that Bucky would start crying. He stayed seated, torn between wanting to comfort his (ex?)boyfriend and not wanting to show Bucky that he still cared about him, even after he’d hurt Steve so bad.  
“Sorry.” Bucky muttered when he’d calmed down a bit. Then he chuckled, a small wet sound as he wiped his eyes. “I didn’t cheat on you Steve.” His voice was still thick and shaky. “Those things… They’re mine.” He said the last word so quietly that Steve almost didn’t hear it. He looked at Bucky in disbelief.  
“What? That’s all you could come up with? You’re not even going to try to convince me you don’t-”  
“Steve!” Bucky interrupted him. “They’re mine, okay?” There was something in Bucky’s voice that sounded so vulnerable, Steve was starting to think that maybe Bucky was telling the truth.  
“What are you trying to say?” This time, when Bucky let out a small sob Steve’s instinct to comfort him took over and he quickly got up and wrapped him in his arms. “What’s going on Bucky?” His voice was soft now, all the anger gone as he realized Bucky was telling the truth. Bucky mumbled something into his shoulder. “What was that?” He leaned back a bit and made Bucky look him in the eyes.  
“I’m non-binary.” Steve’s first thought was ‘that makes sense’, then ‘how did I not know?’ and then ‘why didn’t he feel like he could tell me?’. All the signs had been there, even before the war, back in the 40’s. Bucky had always been uncomfortable and insecure when it came to his masculinity, Steve just assumed it was because of the whole gay thing. He realized that he should say something when Bucky looked at him with big fearful eyes.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky shrugged.  
“I haven’t known that long. Nat’s been helping me with figuring things out. I just wanted to be sure before I told you in case…” He trailed off, leaving Steve to imagine all the possibilities of what Bucky had been scared he would do.  
“Well I’m not going anywhere. I love you Bucky, no matter who you are. You’re stuck with me.” Bucky looked so relieved that Steve tightened his grip around his shoulders, scared that he would fall over.  
“I love you too, punk.” Bucky grinned at him.  
“Jer-” Steve was cut off but Bucky’s lips smashing against his own. He was so relieved he felt like he might fall over too.


End file.
